All That Glitters Is Not Gay

In which Daniel takes inventory of some of his most attractive attributes.

11012854_10206110294570399_7965185417526830877_nTo my dear reader,

The most distinct memories I have of my time visiting Freiburg, Germany was that of a friend taking me to my first gay nightclub. It was a great time for all involved, except for the sober people forced to watch drunk folk gyrating to bad pop remixes, and the straight men still uncomfortable with watching men grind on one another, but I’m not counting those people since I wasn’t among them. The only qualm I had with the whole evening was how I felt looking at the gay men around me.

They were gorgeous. They towered over me with their flawlessly casual hair, enormous biceps and definitive jawlines. They were Olympians and I was a little stick figure with twig arms, saying “Don’t look at me!” Any notion of dancing with a boy was eradicated, and although I still had a great time, I couldn’t help but feel like I was having the door to their glittering life shut in my face.

It’s a common stereotype that gay men are obsessed with appearance, going to the gym/spa/salon religiously. For most gay men that I know, this is about as true as myths that the government is comprised of villainous lizard people (READ: only true in a small number of instances).

Yet whenever I’ve seen large gatherings of gay men, it seems that those within this stereotype outnumber those outside. In spite of how much being a gay man has shaped me, I struggle identifying with the larger gay male community because of my physical “deficiencies” – including but not limited to…

-Small stature, standing up at 5’5” and pocket-sized for your convenience

-A rotund tummy which, for a nickel, you can rub for good luck

-A child sized jaw which makes my face look like the moon

-Enormous, lopsided teeth, which I’ve been told are so large that they should belong in the skull of someone that is 6 feet tall

-Wide, flat hobbit feet, which leave behind footprints that are literally just triangles

-Continuous acne that lends me the eternally youthful appearance of an 11-year-old just beginning puberty

-An unconscious resting bitch face that suggests I am any combination of angry, bored, confused and constipated

I would never claim that the self-image challenges men face are worse than those that women and non-binary folk face. After all, I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen a magazine cover with a man covered in oil gently caressing his own nipples with a facial expression that either says “Come hither” or “I’m having a gassy fit.”

Yet every time that I listen to Beyonce’s “Pretty Hurts” or Mary Lambert’s “Body Love,” I can’t help but be a little jealous. Of course, women’s self-image struggles are exacerbated by media and consumerism, but women are speaking – and singing – out against it. Not so with men – I’ll eat my own hobbit feet when I hear a male singer reminding young boys that they are beautiful too.

So keep your height, Glittering Gays of Freiburg. Keep your flawlessly casual hair, enormous biceps and definitive jawlines.  You can have it all, because I have something you’ll never have: definitive knowledge that I am average looking.  While you’re going to the gym/spa/salon religiously, I’ll be over here with my twig arms, in an ugly tank top and flip flops. After all, who’s going to care?

Not me.

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With all due respect,

Daniel Wolfert

Top Things I get told coming home for break

In honor of winter break and the end of 2015, here are the top things I get asked or told the most often while I’m home, usually from my family & friends. Some of which may only be related to others who attend schools in colder climates (with less sun) than their warm, sunny hometowns.

1. “Wow, you’re so pale! Don’t you get any sun in Washington?” And yes we do, but it is cloudy and overcast most of the time especially heading into winter, I can’t help that there’s no Vitamin D for my skin to soak up!

2. “So how’s the rain in Washington?” In my opinion we didn’t recieve that much rain in the fall and I’m not sure why or what (global warming?) but it was a pretty pleassant overcast semester; it doesn’t ALWAYS rain in Washington! While California is\was facing an epic drought, Washington was as well that the normal abundance of rain has receded heavily.

3. “Oh you’re a bio major? Are you planning to be a doctor and cure cancer?” Uh no, there are multiple venues for being a biology major and while being a doctor is stereotyped as I’m asian and its what the general public thinks, that’s not what I want to nor plan to do; there are so many other exciting fields that biology could lead to for example: teaching, research, medical technology, bioethics, ecology, conservation, genetic counseling, hospital work, etc.

4. “What are your plans after college?” I don’t know! Granted I only have a year and a half left of undergrad but as I’m not following some pre-set track (aka doctor so medical school), my options are boundless and I’m looking into what I would enjoy doing but I don’t have the answer to life yet, don’t stress me out more about it!

5. “How was your semester?” Everyone gets this and to me its one of those questions where they kinda don’t care what your answer is they’re just making conversation. My semester was rough lol and very busy but I never want to go into that especially if it’s with a distant family member or friend and all I want to do is put the successes and lows of the semester behind me and look to the future.

6. (after being on break for awhile and just lounging at home) “You should get outside more!” I honestly take it for granted that I live in Hawaii while for many the can only visit and want to take in everything our beautiful islands have to offer. And while I love all the activities I can do in Hawaii,  I also just love having time to do nothing and be in my house.

7. “What was your first stop when you came home?” This for me is always a difficult choice, what do I want to eat (especially after a six hour flight) most?!? I never know and usually end up going home to a home-cooked meal because that’s few and in between at school and relaxing with my family because that’s one of the best parts of break always.

Mount Douglas, British Columbia

Over Thanksgiving Break, I spent two days and one night in Victoria, British Columbia roaming the streets with a loaded pack and a camera; the embodiment of the American tourist (minus the visor and fanny pack). I had a great time, and talked a lot about my time there in my last post. However, in that post I did not discuss the time I spent in the out-of-doors, just outside of Victoria proper, in a space that the locals (most notably: the Irish man behind the counter at the hostel) call ‘Mount Doug’.

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The alternative route up Mount Doug

On my second day in Canada, I knew I needed to do something, ANYTHING, in the outdoors. I loved the city itself, but I could see the mountains in the distance, the Strait, the trees… I had to get out.

So I did.

I took a couple city buses out to Mount Douglas Park in the hopes that I could breathe some fresh air and climb a few hundred feet before I had to get back for my ferry. From the parking lot, I started off on a steeper, more direct path up the mountainside (which was more like a hillside considering Mount Doug is under 1,000 feet in elevation). I was up in no time, and was greeted by sweeping views of residential areas, the Strait, some islands out to the east, and a rather abrasive wind coming up the south side of the peak.

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In case you wondered what my feet look like

I spent around half an hour on the peak snapping pictures and taking in the view. It’s clearly a very popular spot considering that I saw something like 30 people there from the time I got up top to the time I left. It makes sense seeing as how the park is so close to downtown, and the hike up is incredibly simple. There’s even a road that travels up Mount Doug from the parking lot to the peak so cars can make the journey.

I eventually descended down to my bus stop via the road and made my way back to downtown from there. Overall, Mount Doug was a great way for me to get away from all the people in downtown Victoria for a few hours, and to get a few cool pictures. After checking it out, I can see why it’s a favorite of the locals. I would relate Mount Doug to Point Defiance Park in Tacoma based on its size, distance from downtown, and what it offers to visitors.

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The western view from the peak

In short, if you go to British Columbia for the outdoors, don’t go to Mount Doug. It is by no means a challenge, or all that exciting. But, if you go to Victoria to check out the city, go to Mount Doug to get a tiny taste of that fresh air that lives above building level. It’s always nice to regain perspective after a solid day of sidewalking.

Happy trails,

Colton Born

Driftwood

The beach was filled with people walking on the sand. In the hands of each person was a small wooden boat with a paper cube. Children ran in and out of the water, splashing each other, while their parents warned them not to break anybody’s lantern.

“It’s crowded,” she said, as we walked down the beach, looking for a place to lay our towel. We carried our shoes.

“See anyone you know?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many people in my life.”

“It nice when they all let their lanterns go.”

I looked at the footprints in the sand and watched the ocean erase the ones within reach.

“There’s a spot.”

I spread the towel. The water reflected the sun.

We sat on the sand as row after row of people waded into the water in their swim trunks, placing their lanterns and wooden boats down and with a gentle push, sending them to sea. Like a fleet of light, the lanterns sailed toward the disappearing sun. The boats cut their way through the water, leaving ripples in their wake. And the lanterns drifted.

“This is nice.”

Her hair blew in front of my face. It smelled like the sea. Another row of well-wishers cast away their lanterns.

A man came up to us with a lantern and a boat in his hands and asked us if we wanted to launch it.

I turned to her. She smiled. “Sure, we’ll do that.”

The man handed us the boat and lantern and told us to go in with the next row.

We got in line. A woman came down the row with a match, lighting each lantern. When she got to us, she said, “That’s a beautiful lantern.”

When everyone’s lantern had been lit, we stepped into the water. The water was cold and seeped through my rolled up jeans, but that didn’t matter. We waded in until we were waist deep, our feet sunken in the sand below. The people around us lowered their lanterns. A woman reached into a plastic bag and began to strew purple and white hibiscus petals. Each petal fell pendulum-like until it touched the water and floated among the bobbing lights.

Together we placed our lantern in the water.

Her hair floated on the wind like a piece of driftwood in the sea.

myPugetSound > Printing > Tech Services

Today I received an email from PrintGreen saying I had $9.90 credit on my account and to head to a link to add more credit. I was like, what?!?! But what that actually means is that I had approximately 90 sheets I could print before I would be asked to pay. Print Green is the system that our university uses with each individual’s myPugetSound account to track how much documents and sheets of paper are being printed as everyone has a limit so as to conserve paper and track student usage to keep printers runnign smoothly and in stock all semester-long. Our technology services as got a pretty sweet set-up with printers in every dorm and computer labs with printers in Thompson, Wyatt, and the Piano Lounge in Wheelock Student Center. All these printers are hooked onto our myPugetSound account that from our own computer if we logged onto vDesk we could access all Microsoft Office, other programs and printing to campus printers from the comfort of our computer in a Thompson conference room, cubbie on the third floor of the library or our dorm room!

Post-Finals Playlist!

Victorious — Panic! at the Disco

tonight we are victorious, champagne pouring over us// all our friends were glorious, tonight we are victorious 

Anna Sun — Walk the Moon

we got no money but we got heart// we’re gonna rattle this ghost town 

Nine in the Afternoon — Panic! at the Dicso

back to the place where we used to say//man it feels good to feel this way 

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs — Fall Out Boy

thanks for the memories// even though they weren’t so great 

 

Miss Missing You — Fall Out Boy

baby, you were our biggest fans//I miss missing you now and then

Such Great Heights — The Postal Service

they will see us from such great heights//”come down now”, they’ll say

Bonus Track (because Rachel insisted*)

We Are the Champions — Queen

we are the champions- my friends//and we’ll keep on figthing//till the end 

 

* She also said to please note that she called me very emo. I am noting this because it is true and I am unashamed.

 

 

Things I Accomplished This Semester (and a Few Things I Didn’t Do So Well)

Well, we’re here. At the end of the semester. Most of our exams have come and gone*; memories were had, friends were made, and we are slowly coming to the process of goodbyes, both for those of us who aren’t coming back next semester and for those who have had all of their finals and returned back to their homes to prepare for another semester of learning.
I personally accomplished a lot of things; I will use this space to reflect on them. Seeing as I am leaving for Prague in a little more than a month now, I thought I should consider what I have done and what I should do better next time around. Here goes!

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To Do List: No Negativity

This is the thing I wrote at the bottom of the actual to-do-list that I have tacked up on my wall. I wrote down “get good grades” and underneath I wrote a caveat for one of my classes that I feel like I haven’t done so well in. When I noticed that, I crossed it out, and wrote “NO NEGATIVITY” in capital letters at the bottom.

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The Winter-Funtime-Non-Denominational-Gift-Giving-Extravaganza of 2015

It’s like a Secret Santa, but it’s not. Rachel called it that last year, and the name stuck. Me and my friends do this in the interest of getting one another more than just fuzzy socks and candy canes.*

Because Hanukkah just finished and because Christmas is coming up, I thought I would share the saga of my gift-giving adventures with you.

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