Five Myths of the Creation of Daniel Wolfert

In which all is revealed.



In the beginning was the Word and the Word was a singularity that spoke amid darkness, “Let there be light,” and from this singularity came all things: white dwarf stars and sea lions and ricotta cheese and all things were entropy as Space/Time raced inexorably away from itself. As it raced onwards, the Word that was a singularity that spoke amid darkness folded itself up into an infinitesimal idea, collapsing ever inwards until it fell, like a star, into the belly of a woman that lived by the Pacific. Inside of her belly grew a boy, and although she did not know it yet, his hands would be small and his heart would look like entropy, which is to say, all things.


The Cartesian coordinates (0,0,0,0) of the four-dimensional life of the boy with small hands and a heart that looked like entropy are a chair at a desk by a window in a bedroom. They are the earliest memory of the boy, although there are rumors that he existed before this. They are the sight of the pink dawn, and the scent of Chocolate Soymilk, and the sound of Jim Dale reading the audiobook of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, saying “Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.”


Beginnings and endings are relative. As you read this, the universe itself is expanding, sending each celestial body further away from one another in eternal redshift. Space/Time itself is growing.

When the boy with small hands and a heart that looked like entropy learned this, he was sitting in a desk in a school made of bricks by the Puget Sound. He looked out the classroom window, past rustling oak leaves, past other brick buildings, out to the heavens beyond.

He considered the stars he could not see, racing inexorably away from him through space. He considered his own life, racing inexorably away from him through time.


My name is Daniel Wolfert. I have a mother and a father. I have two sisters and a dog.

My hands are so small. But if I could stretch them wide enough to catch all your pain, I would. If I could, I would fold up the world until it was a singularity in my palms, all safe, all sound.

My heart looks like entropy. To bring it to the light is to see white dwarf stars and sea lions and ricotta cheese and the heat death of the universe. It is to see how life creates the paradox of saying:

I have tried my best.

I’m sorry.

I have tried my best.

I have no apologies.

I have two sisters and a dog. I have a mother and father. My name is Daniel Wolfert.


In the beginning was the beating heart of Space/Time, which contained all things – white dwarf stars and sea lions and ricotta cheese and every moment of everywhere in the universe. Space/Time, being lonely, looked inside itself and saw through the eons it contained the sight of love. It saw hands stretching out to hold one another. It saw hearts growing ever wider in redshift acceleration. And as it saw these sights, the heart of Space/Time broke with loneliness, initiating what we now call entropy.

Every story of every moment of everywhere in the universe raced inexorably forward, and every story was the Word, which looks something like small hands and something like entropic hearts, and every story was Heartbreak, which looks something like a supernova and something like growing up.

In the beginning was the End, which is to say, the change from What Was to What Will Be.

In the beginning was the Word and the Word was a singularity that spoke amid darkness, “Let there be light,







Sophomore Year Playlist

When I was growing up, music came to me in two different forms: albums my mother bought and whatever was playing on the radio. Coming into college this presented a problem. I was no longer around the CD my mom was loving at the moment (i.e., no more listening to FUN.’s album for two months straight) and I didn’t have a car so no more radio. Now, music has come to me from a variety of sources: my friends, Spotify, Pandora, old music from my iTunes that resurfaces every once and awhile. It would be impossible for me to name every song I’ve listened to this past semester, but these are the ones that have stuck with me the most. I’ve written descriptions of why each song is listed and included a Spotify playlist with all of them on it at the end. Hope you enjoy!

  • Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel
    I cannot tell you how many snapchats I have sent or received that just have the phrase, “Hello, darkness my old friend.”
  • Let’s Get Drunk and Get it On by Old 97’s
    The main reason I love this song is for the line, “You’ve got a gorgeous face, thought it’s a little odd.” Which I find to be so endearing and I’m not quite sure why. I’ve known the song “Question” by this band for years, thanks to my cousin, Aron. Earlier this semester I decided to find more songs by the band and came across this beauty.
  • Ultralight Beam by Kanye West
    Basically all of TLOP. Probably my most productive day of spring break was the day that I individually downloaded every song off of the album and put them all on my phone. I found myself mainly listening to: Ultralight Beam; Father Stretch My Hands Pt.1; Pt.1; Famous; and I Love Kanye. Out of those, Ultralight Beam was played and sang the most. There was a solid few weeks wherein someone would ask what song to play and at least one person ask for Ultralight Beam.
  • Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots
    I am all of the stressed. All of the time.
  • Build Me Up Buttercup by the Foundations
    This is one of those songs I’ve always known, but found myself playing a lot this year. It’s made itself into my text messages and I have this distant memory of it coming up on shuffle as I was driving to the library over Christmas break. When I think of myself listening to this song, there is an image of driving over the Samoa bridge and seeing all of Eureka home and remembering listening to it back in Tacoma.
  • Copacabana by Barry Manilow 
    This is the go-to song whenever we need a study break dance party. I cannot tell you how many times we listened to it. There was one specific time, when Maddy, Emily, and I were in Portland and all of the windows were rolled down and the wind was blowing my hair in my face and we were all singing along as loud as we possibly could.
  • This Is Gospel (Piano Version) by Panic! At the Disco
    I still think this song is sad, but it was stuck in my head for the majority of October. I’d recommend the piano version over the original, as the voice strikes harder without an abundance of background music. I played it for Maddy last week, as we were studying for finals, and she was over the moon, because she loves finals. The piano version can only be found on YouTube, with a link for it here.
  • Two of Us on the Run by Lucius
  • Winners by Trampled By Turtles
  • Don’t Ask Me Why by the Great Caesar
    All three of these songs showed up on my Spotify Discovery Weekly and they stuck with me. There’s something about the way the voices, I don’t know. I actually went out of my way to purchase them both on iTunes (a rare feat for me).
  • I Took a Pill in Ibiza by Mike Posner
    This song is me awkwardly dancing alone in my room. Also, I’m a huge fan of the line, “My name’s a reminder of a pop song people forgot,” because I haven’t listened to “Cooler Than Me” (or thought about it) in years.
  • You Got Lucky by Tom Petty
    All of freshman year, every time Claire heard me listen to music she asked me if it was Tom Petty. Most of the time it wasn’t. My point is: Tom Petty is one of those artist that I grew up listening to and still love. This song came up on shuffle quite a bit and one night Thomas sang it in this funny voice and it stuck with me.
  • Django by Luis Bacalov
    I can’t read the title without dramatically internally singing DJANGO. I also imagine Maddy throwing her head back and rocking back and forth as the song plays. Another song along the same line as this, which was played a fair amount is “(The Man Who Shot) Liberty Valance” by Gene Pitney
  • Taj Mahal by Jorge Ben Jor
    This is a bit of a throwback, I read Rod Stewart’s autobiography a few years ago and last year I was talking about it with Emily. There is this ridiculously arrogant song called, “Da Ya Think I’m Sexy” and all proceeds of the song are donated to the United Nation’s Children’s Fund after Jorge Ben Jor argued (very rightfully) that Stewart’s song was strikingly similar to his “Taj Mahal.”
  • A Long Time Ago by Jim Croce
    There was a specific night when I stayed up in the sub until 4AM and this song was stuck in my head and I couldn’t get it out. I think it had something to do with the lines, “We spend the whole night talking / you said you’d like to see the sun rise / but in the gold of morning / was nothing that I had not seen in your eyes.”
  • Mother We Share by CHVRCHES
    I listened to this song on repeat first semester. Thanks, Spotify.
  • The Weight by The Band
    I had this whole drawn out conversation with Nick one morning over breakfast, wherein I was trying to convince him that this entire song was about sex. We both knew it wasn’t, but I managed to thoroughly convince our mutual friend that it was.
  • Magnets by Disclosure feat. Lorde
    The last few times I’ve been with Emily late at night, as we’re driving around Tacoma, this song as played. It reminds me of that feeling of being both restless and content.
  • Rich Girl by Hall & Oates
    There’s a video of me and Maddy singing this song into candy canes as we walked over to GPhi one night right before Christmas Break. I just remember the way the streetlight shone as we spun through the parking lot.
  • Head Over Heels by Tears for Fears
    Claire: “Do you mind if I play a song?” 9/10 times it was this.
  • Hotline Bling by Drake
    As soon as it came out, Nick and I began singing it back and forth to each other. I know it was probably overplayed, but every time I hear it I think of him standing in the suite and reaching out to me while singing it. Most of the time I think of him doing it while wearing Emily’s red heels (that I never actually saw him in, but have seen the Polaroids of him in them on Casino Night).
  • Feels Like Home by Dolly Parton, Linda Ronstadt, and Emmylou Harris
    During the second semester I fell back into love with the album Trio II. When I was younger, my mom would play it on the way to school and I never paid that much attention to it. I had the song “High Sierra” stuck in my head one day, though, and found myself only listening to this album. Particularly because I found it was good music to study to.
  • Playing With Fire by Redinho
    Sometime in mid-November Emily and I went to Seattle for the day. It was overcast and cold and we both needed a break from campus. We took a picture in front of the Ferris Wheel and ate cupcakes even though Emily likes neither cake nor frosting. This song played at least five times that day.
  • Jolene by Dolly Parton
    At the end of Freshman year, Maddy revealed her love of this song. Every time it plays she gets super excited, and it’s adorable. 
  • Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley
    Rick Astley turned 50 this year!
  • Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne
  • Birthday by Selena Gomez
    Both of these songs were played multiple times in the hours leading up to midnight on May 6th. We celebrated Maddy’s birthday in style, with her continuously repeating: “It’s my birthday.” Her main birthday wish? Become a dictator.
  • Go Back by Cookies
    This was another one that is courtesy of both Emily and Spotify. She played it a few times and it got stuck in all of our heads and then Claire started playing it all night.
  • Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye
    This song has its time and its place. One of those times being immediately after someone jokes about playing it really loudly.
  • Cool Cat by Queen
    Emily showed Nick this song and they fangirled over it.
  • Booty Bounce Pop by Mr. Collipart feat. Yin-Yang Twins
    The last night that Emily, Thomas, and I were all here, we went to Five Guys so Thomas could get dinner. Even though it was a little after 9PM, it was still in the mid-70’s and while cutting across the grass (which was dry for the first time in forever), Emily played this song very loudly while dancing along.
  • End of the Line by the Traveling Wilburys
    I first heard this song in 2007, when the complete collection of the Traveling Wilburys was released and my mom bought the album. It stayed in our CD player for months. It resurfaced Freshman year, with the Rock After the Beatles playlist for my SSI. Then it played during the last scene of Parks & Rec. I played the song with Emily and whenever I hear it I think of our friendship. (Unfortunately this song isn’t on Spotify, but the music video for it can be found here.)


Contemplations of a Graduate

Yesterday I waited two hours to take a ten second walk across a stage. It was my graduation ceremony and that’s what you do for your graduation ceremony. You sit on small metal chairs, listen to speeches, and clap for your friends. Afterwards, you give everyone hugs.

The ceremony felt like the period at the end of a sentence. I had finished my bachelor’s degree and it was time to leave the nest. I still have no long term plans, but after graduating I feel better about having no long term plans. Either that or my head has inflated three sizes too large from all the congratulations I received. Something will come along to deflate it again. Another literary magazine will reject me, or I’ll forget to put the top down on the hot tub. I only hope it doesn’t happen too soon

We had a good speaker for graduation, Representative David Kilmer. He gave us some worthwhile advice and he didn’t use a monotone. Monotones at graduation are the kiss of death. He put a lot of movie references in his speech and told us to take part in civic engagement. His words of wisdom boiled down to not trusting anyone named Draco Malfoy and remembering to vote. Voting is important. If we don’t vote, we may end up with a government run entirely by crazy people, and not nice, funny crazy people, mean crazy people.

So far, I believe I’ve done well with that. I’ve been engaged. I work for, writing petitions for environmental causes. One of my petitions received 558 signatures. I’m trying to build a writing career and 558 people reading something I wrote is amazing to me.  Leaving University of Puget Sound has been like taking off in a plane when there’s turbulence. It’s a bit bumpy, but eventually it will smooth out and someone will offer me a beverage.

I’m grateful for the education I’ve received at University of Puget Sound, but now it’s time to take the next step. It’s time to start a new sentence.



On the Docket

In which Daniel lists the ten most important things he must do during the last free summer (possibly) of his life.

To do list written on paper with blue pen

To my dear reader,

With graduation one day away, I am coming to see that I have one real summer – from now to mid-August – to do whatever I please with. That isn’t to say one real summer to waste time – on the contrary, once I start really working, it’s more likely that I’ll waste my free time than now when I can put all my free time to good use. Therefore, below are ten things of priority for me to make happen in the next three months.

  1. Play the video game Oblivion – This is the prequel to the video game Skryim, which my sister Hannah and I played sporadically across nine months together. Since the game is older, the graphics will probably be awful. I’m so excited. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT.
  2. Make DwolfMakesMusic, my Youtube channel and Soundcloud Page for my original music, look professional – That shit is a hot mess.
  3. Find a job for when I move back up to Tacoma in mid-August – I hear that’s important, although then again, I hear a lot of things.
  4. Cook something interesting and new twice a week for two months – If you read the description in my blogger profile, I describe myself as a “mediocre chef.” It’s pretty true. Let’s change that.
  5. Watch the new season of the ABC Family drama The Fosters – Five days ago, freshman Ivin Yu starting watching this in the basement of my house and across the next four days, about fifteen people could be found at any given moment in the basement watching with (or without) him. The Fosters is love. The Fosters is life.
  6. Go to some sort of LGBTQI event out there in the real world – I’ve been slacking in this department for the past twenty-one years. Better late than never, right?
  7. Go beat up North Carolina governor Pat McCrory – Patrick, if you didn’t read my last post about you (, you really should do so. And then you should run, because you’re in for a world of hurt.
  8. Read Cathrynne M. Valente’s The Girl Who Raced Fairyland All the Way Home –This is the last book in her Fairyland series, of which I read the first at the end of my freshman year. They guided me through college, and will thus guide me away.
  9. Use my dog as a pillow – This might be more important than Oblivion. Unsure.
  10. Start finding another way to get my writing out in the big, bad world – I do, after all, only have one more blog for the University after this.

With all due respect,

Daniel Wolfert

My Room

All around me, there are rooms slowly being emptied as everyone moves out for the summer. Right now, I’m sitting on my bed in my empty room. My roommate checked out an hour ago and my checkout time is in about 20 minutes. Save for my backpack, nothing in here is mine anymore.

It’s difficult to convey what I want to say. I don’t even know where to start. I could talk about my roommate and how he basically gave me a single by getting a girlfriend early last semester. Or I could write about the struggles of living in the furthest possible room from the guy’s bathroom. Maybe I could mention always hearing the ding of the elevator at all hours of the day. Or all of the memories I made here. Just so many memories.

I don’t know. There’s just too much to say…… or maybe I don’t need to say that much. Yeah, I don’t need to say much.

All I need to say is that I loved living in this room.

Goodbye, T/P 306.

No For An Answer

In which tenacity is not to be overlooked.


To my dear reader,

With only days until my college graduation, the omnipresent, looming question is “What will you do after graduation?” My own answer, as of right now, is “I am unsure.” To my chagrin (although certainly not to my surprise), absolutely none of my job applications for the Tacoma area have been accepted, in spite of the countless hours I have spent across the entire year contacting the people I wished to hire me and polishing my applications. I am due to return to a house in Tacoma sometime this summer with no pre-conceived course of action.

This is not really what bothers me. Given my life, and my luck, I would expect nothing less from the universe than this formalized middle finger. I have been through worse things. What really bothers me, however, is the look of feigned concern or sympathy on people’s faces when they hear this news. “Whatever will you do?” their expressions say to me. “However will you survive in the big, bad world?”

These people – and you, dear reader, may undoubtedly be among them – are effectively saying to me that they doubt my talent, and moreover, my tenacity. They are saying that I must have somehow seriously fucked up in order for the road ahead of me to be unclear, as if I am a little boy who is incapable of making good decisions. They are saying that, when the universe speaks, I am willing to take no for an answer.

Incorrect. I know myself. I know the story.

Do not doubt my tenacity for even a moment. I am irascible and ill-tempered beyond your wildest dreams. I am willing to take many things from the world, but no for an answer is not one of them, and if you think otherwise, perhaps you don’t read my blogs as thoroughly as you think you do.

With all due respect,

Daniel Wolfert

Spring 2016 Playlist

Last semester, I wrote about making a playlist of the music I had downloaded throughout the semester. The idea behind this little project was to see how my tastes in music changed as I went through the semester. Ideally, by the time I graduate in three years, I’ll have eight playlists detailing my journey through college.

I downloaded 48 songs this semester, three more than I did last semester. Here are some of my favorites (in order of date downloaded):

  • Love Yourself x Roses by Enoch – Starting this list is a mashup up of The Chainsmokers’ Roses and Justin Bieber’s Love Yourself. This mashup perfectly blends the two songs, laying Bieber’s vocals over the melody and beats of The Chainsmokers.
  • Mean by Taylor Swift Can’t have a list like this without including some Taylor Swift. It’s hard to believe this song was released back in 2010. Two things I love about this song is that it has some of that country sound that brought Swift to stardom and has a great message about dealing with critics.
  • Viva La Vida by Coldplay –  Another classic. This one is two years older than Mean, being released back in 2008. There not much to say about this song. It was just bouncing around in my head one day and I had to add it to my library.
  • Hello (Marshmello Remix) by Adele – I first heard this song back in March at a rave that I went to. When the DJ, Brillz, dropped this, everyone just lost their minds. It’s such a good remix, I can’t help but dance a little every time I listen to it.
  • Inside Out by The Chainsmokers – This is the latest song from The Chainsmokers. After their hit with Don’t Let Me Down earlier this year, expectations were high. And those expectations were met. Trust me when I say, you have to listen to this song.
  • The Horizon is Ours by Underground Sound – This acapella masterpiece was composed by Daniel Wolfert., a graduating senior of my fraternity, and is performed by his acapella group, Underground Sound. If you read my last post, then you know how much this song means to me.

So there are just a few of the songs I downloaded this last semester. What songs caught your ear this semester?

T-town at Night

It’s pretty crazy to me to think my third year at Puget Sound is coming to a close and that I turned 21 last week! I’ve definitely learned and explored more of Tacoma the longer I’ve been here and I know the student hotspots: Silk Thai, Trappers, the Met, and Rosewood Cafe to name a few close by, but I didn’t realize how much more there was to explore until I turned 21!

I think it’s pretty safe to say Tacoma is a 21 & up town, there are so many restaurants with bars, regular bars, wine bars, and beer tasting around to go out too. And everyone knows happy hour is the best! It’s not about drinking alcohol but seeing what dinner and late night options are aailable out there. Many alums will fondly remember Masa but since it’s closed down there are new places to go on 6th such as Marrow, the always classic DOA (Dirty Oscars’ Annex), Red Hot or the rowdy O’Malley’s to name a few. There’s even the boozy shakes at Shake Shake Shake that can be given a try! Or the 50% off EVERYTHING happy hour at the Ram down Ruston Way, good puu’puus (appetizers\snacks) at the Hub or the Rock with their buckets!

With summer upon us, which you couldn’t tell today since it started at low 50’s, the days are getting longer with the sun out later leaving the afternoon and evening wonderful to explore Tacoma and see what’s out there! There’s probably many great places to try out there!


Last week, I went to the last chapter meeting of the year with Beta Theta Pi. Alongside wrapping up Fraternity business for the year, we had our graduating members will items down to younger members to keep them in the fraternity and impart some wisdom to the chapter.

It was a long ceremony, but totally worth it. Everyone willed great things and had amazing stories to share with the chapter. But personally, one person stood out: Dwolfe

Daniel “Dwolfe” Wolfert is the ideal human being. He’s hilarious, a good singer and has just too much sass and snark for most people. He is awesome and Puget Sound is losing an amazing individual by letting him graduate this Saturday. He’s been an incredible contributor to Beta this last year, pouring his blood, sweat and tears into the chapter despite not being asked to.

What he had to say to the chapter almost had me at tears. He declared his love for the chapter. Dwolfe essentially said that all the hard work he put in this year was representative of his love for us. He even referenced some lyrics from the song he wrote and released this year, “The Horizon is Ours.” (By the way, it is an AMAZING song, check it out!)

Through the dark, I can see the dawn I am running to.

He said that we were the dawn he was running to. Beta was the light at the end of the tunnel for him. That’s how much we meant to him.

Dwolfe, I’ve only known you for a semester, but the experiences I’ve had with you will last a lifetime. Wherever you end up in life, make a RUCKUS.

Please and Thank You

In which payment is due, because all things have a cost.


To my dear reader,

I will be the first to admit that, across the past seven eight months, most of my blog posts have been either explicitly or implicitly negative. I am not apologizing for this. Time is so short; we must say the things that matter. But I will also be the first to admit that I want to be a greater source of positive energy in the world, and that if gratitude is (as I’ve been told so often) pivotal to happiness, I am not doing all I can to ensure my own happiness. It is for these reasons that I will take a moment to list a few things for which, across my four years at Puget Sound, I have been thankful.

  1. My Freshman Year Roommate – During the fall, he went home every weekend to see his family. During the spring, he dropped out of school, allowing me to have the room to myself entirely. I’m not glad he had to drop out of school, but I am glad that I’ve only ever had a roommate for one semester of college. He also was nice.
  2. The Green Tea Fraps at Diversions Café – Amid a freshman year spring semester filled with boredom and disappointment, these drinks were a glorious Friday afternoon treat, and the Diversions baristas that complained about making them can literally shove those fraps up their butt holes.
  3. My Dog – I have a tradition of taking a picture of my dog during the break between each semester and making it the background photo of my phone for the subsequent semester. When I’m falling asleep, I like to pretend my pillow is her tummy. I use her as a pillow at home all the time.
  4. Other People’s Dogs – There are so many people that have dogs in Tacoma that let students pet them, and the dogs are so cute amid a college experience that can be distinctively not cute.
  5. The Spring 2015 Science Fiction and Classics Convention – It was at this convention that I met fiction author/classics whiz/literary genius/all around nice person Cathrynne Valenete, which was undoubtedly the greatest moment of my life thus far. No joke.
  6. Christopher Krull – He’s the guy that runs this blog and hires the student bloggers, and for Lord-knows-what-reason, he decided to rehire me every semester since the beginning of my sophomore year. Thanks for this incredible opportunity, Chris. I bet you regret that now, don’t you?

With all due respect,

Daniel Wolfert