In manners of terrain, you must learn to cut yourself from it. You must cut even your footprints from it, if need be.
–Meti’s Sword Manual, which was most likely not written with playing softball on swampy ground in mind.
I am saddened to report that I am no longer an undefeated softball player, but also glad that I am no longer an undefeated softball player. As a follow up to my previous article, I now provide my analyses of each of the seven games in Team Mouse Rat’s now-complete softball season.
Game 1: Mouse Rat vs Chunder Boys
The other team didn’t bring very much chunder. Or any players.
Win by forfeit.
Game 2: Mouse Rat vs Balls Deep
Our first real game of the season went about as well as could be expected. We implemented a mercy rule, otherwise all of those points might have happened in a single inning.
Game 3: Mouse Rat vs Pitches Be Crazy
Before the game, I predicted that we would suffer a 1-21 loss. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I was far off the mark. An enjoyable game for all sides, if not a close one.
Game 4: Mouse Rat vs Fresh Timber
I can only guess at the other team’s reasons for failing to appear for what could have been a career-making game.
Win by forfeit.
Game 5: Mouse Rat vs We Dem Boyz
Our team’s perfect record in games that were not actually played was shattered like a glass jaw here. The Boyz showed up in force, but before our own players could rally to meet them they were set upon by great birds. Each bird emitted a cry that sounded exactly like a complete musical scale, then carried its victim off in the direction of the music building. Crippled by this unexpected attack, we were forced to concede.
Loss by forfeit.
Game 6: Mouse Rat vs Flyin Hawaiians
By far the closest game we had all season. We even led for a moment, but the Hawaiians quickly recovered and hit a series of home runs to cement their lead.
Game 7: Mouse Rat vs The Turtles
As the seventh and final game of the season, this had every right to be a climactic showdown. If this were a sports movie, this would be the game where we, the ragtag band of misfits, brought a seemingly undefeatable powerhouse of a team to their knees as the audience listened to the crescendos of an inspiring soundtrack.
We won, but it wasn’t really that exciting. The turtles must have been busy fighting crime or something.
Final record: 3-4
Balls hit through a window in Wyatt Hall: 0, surprisingly.