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A Long Way Back

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The flight from Hawaii to Washington is not very long, relative to the distances some of my friends on the east coast or in Asia have to travel, but as short as the five-to-six hour plane ride is, it can seem like a lifetime. Because I can’t sleep on planes, I’m usually bored by the time the plane lands, having exhausted one or two movies, two or three albums, and a fair amount of trips to the lavatory. Though, of course, a part of the reason the trip can seem so long is due to the fact that it is a trip away from home.

For me, the return marks a leave-taking that never seems to get easier. All I’m carrying is a carry-on, but the weight is somehow more. Did we know this when we were high school seniors looking to get away for a change? Maybe. So it goes.

But as sad as leaving one place is, the trip is also a return to another place, a place of learning and friendship, a place that pushes students to grow intellectually and personally. So that when we return home, we’re a little older, a little wiser, and a bit more appreciative of what it means to be back.

As I leave behind the setting sun, whose light illuminates every groove upon the glass window to my left, I know that, to return, we must first away. Flying to Tacoma, I know that no sooner will I have landed than I will be finishing finals and chasing the setting sun to get back home before it’s dark with more reasons to return.

The Long Return

New Semester’s Resolutions

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Last semester was hard.

The gravity of that statement cannot be underscored enough. It was hard in a “life-class-wow-this-is-a-serious-adult-like-issue-that-i-am-now-dealing-with” type way.

But it’s over now. And after four solid weeks of doing nothing except eating food and crying about The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies (it’s not weird at all okay) (you think that I am joking) (I am not), I have returned to school completely rested and with a list of Things That Will Make This Semester More Enjoyable And Less Hard.

1. Actually! Talk! To! My! Professors! I tend to be the sort of person who is convinced that she can handle things on her own. The University of Puget Sound has, however, really awesome faculty that want me to come in and talk about my problems, both directly related to the course and barely related to the course.   So my major goal is to stop being anxious about “bothering them” and actually making use of my professors and the amazing resources that they have.

2. Submit a poem (or poems) to Crosscurrents. Crosscurrents is the literary magazine at our school, and every single time the submissions are open I always manage to find excuse towards why I cannot publish. Which is dumb. I am actually enjoy writing poetry and I am Not Terrible at writing (I mean, I’m writing here), so I should be getting my work out there.

3. Find something every day that makes me happy. The idea of this is to focus more on the good things of life, and to note them as they happen. The bar of happiness is set extremely low: literally, “I had a shower and it felt really good” is an acceptable thing. I just want to be more happy and remind myself that good things are happening all the time; I am just unaware of them.

4. Eat more chocolate. My friends think it cannot be done. I say otherwise. Chocolate is good for the soul.

5. Read more books. I have actually decided to keep a reading journal for 2015, into which I am only allowed to put books that I have not read before. This goal is to a) provide enjoyment because READING IS AWESOME KIDS, b) allow my eyes to rest from the glare of the computer, thus cutting down on headaches, c) make me use the various libraries around Tacoma more, and d) broaden my knowledge base and make me smarter.

I have other, lesser goals, of course: educate myself on every social issue so I can become a decent person, continue exercising, treat myself (my friend and I have actually established a Treat. Yo. Self. Day as a New Year’s Resolution and I heartily recommend it), say yes to more things, wear red lipstick more often, learn how to do the perfect wingtip on my eyeliner, get straight A’s, discover the meaning of my life, get a job. . . .Some are feasible. Some are less easy. But I am setting myself up for success.

Islands in the Stream

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My friend and I woke early one morning, while it was still dark, to climb a mountain. A little early morning exercise to avoid the heat of the daytime and also because she was busy for the rest of the day and I’d wanted to see her before she left. She was a student, of course, home for break. But for all the time we’d had to meet up, this morning, before the sun rose, was the only time we could agree upon. And I said to her, I’m glad we’re doing this, as we looked up at the mountain peak silhouetted against the night. She agreed and then zipped up her jacket because it had started to drizzle, and took a step forward.

We climbed through thickets and under drooping branches, and slipped a couple of times here and there. Each time I slipped she would ask me if I was all right, and I would say I was, and then she would make some joke about how bad I was at hiking, to which I would reply that I hadn’t gone hiking in over six months. I commented that we should have checked the weather report. The rain had come and gone and was coming again. We moved as quickly as we could until we found a ledge, under which we waited for the rain to pass.

We sipped our water and watched as the rain fell in front of us. I asked her how school was. She said it was fine, How is yours? Fine, I said. She asked me about some of the things I’d learned. I told her what books I’d read, which authors had made an impression on me. I asked her if she was ready to be a sophomore. No. Time flies.

The rain stopped, so we put away our bottles and crept out from under the ledge. I almost slipped again, but planted my hand on the ground and caught myself. I removed it, shaking off the gunk. Softened by the rain, the mud held the imprint of my hand. My friend pressed her own hand to the ground, laughing, and we stood and admired the marks we had made.

Come on, she said. We’re almost there.

We hoisted ourselves over the top of a fairly large rock, which was mossy and wet with the dew of early morning, and, straightening, saw a light spread across the ocean. My friend turned and high-fived me with her mud-covered hand. The wind brushed her hair, which floated like a piece of driftwood on the surface of the sea. She smiled and said, I’m going to hate to leave this place.

An Almost Storm

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Walking down the beach, despite the clouds overhead, I watched as my shadow and two others shifted on the sand.

So how does it feel to be back?

It’s really nice. Can’t beat the feeling.

Vacations are much-needed breaks to the school year—although I wasn’t expecting this type of weather in Hawaii.

The weather’s a bit odd.

I nodded. It’s supposed to storm. We chose the right day to go out.

We continued down the beach. We had a mile to go before we reached our destination, a mall with all the restaurants a food-enthusiastic duo could want.

Let’s just try to get there before it comes.

As we walked, I watched the weather. The wind at our sides was picking up and our shadows on the ground were disappearing. A much greater shadow was casting itself on the sand. At one point, I looked up. The sun had vanished. Swirling out of the top of the sky was a massive gray cloud, which descended in increasing thickness on the beach and on the sea. I turned. In the distance, from a point we had come not an hour ago, the cloud had crawled up the sand and was fingering between hotels.

Look at the cloud.

We hurried down the beach. Around us, we watched as swimming children were called out of the water by their parents. Hosts ushered their outside-dining customers inside. The wind detached a twenty-pound umbrella from its table, sending both into the glass side of the restaurant. At this, we ran, keeping our heads low and shielding our eyes from the sand that the wind had stirred. The sea shuddered. I watched in disbelief as a windsurfer toppled in the wind. We ran into a hotel, where lines of people had gathered by the windows to watch the storm.

It never came.

It rained a lot and the wind tested some of the especially dated buildings, but all things considered, nothing was irreparably damaged. There was a moment, however, as we made our way through the crowd, when the uncertainty was real—for a storm on the beachfront is always serious. But the moment passed when the clouds evaporated and the wind died.

That night at dinner, under a wan light, I remarked what a day it had been.

Are you still happy to be back?

I said yes without a doubt.

Later that night under a streetlamp, waiting to be picked up, I watched our shadows on the ground. In a second of silence, I saw my shadow shiver. Then I realized that it was only myself, responding to a cool breeze, or a feeling of relief to have escaped the storm or to finally be home.

NEW you, new me, new everything

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A lot happens at the beginning of the calendar year- organizing taxes, planning our summer holidays, starting our second and usually last semester of that year, and the beginning of the rest of our lives. I’ve been having a lot of these philosophical, big picture , “how is what I’m doing now affecting my future” thoughts and freakouts as this break ends. Am I supposed to know where my life is heading at this point, mid-sophomore year? What if  I don’t know how to make the the big picture happen in little steps?

But then I also had to think, what if my future is right there waiting for me to grasp it and make it happen this semester? If I happen to become lifelong best friends, or make the mistakes I need to that will be my wake-up call? There’s so much unknown out there all I know is there’s no good to dwell in the past, to dredge up the good memories or bad times. There’s only time for this NEW year, this new semester, new activities, new life and new me.

The holidays

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While I was scouring the internet for procrastination entertainment, during finals and let’s face it all throughout the semester, I consistently turned to watching the Ellen Show videos. Hosted by outstanding comedian Ellen DeGeneres this show has silly games, she interviews the stars of Hollywood and of real life and it has a lot of dancing everyday. Ellen’s enthusiasm and realness shines through the screen and her desire to share the goodness and understanding with each other always gets me. Honestly, if I’m tearing up in Harned in the midst of studying, it’s probably because I watched one of Ellen’s heartfelt videos. And while studying for my last exam on Thursday I watched a video that really out the holidays into perspective. The holiday spirit is the time for good food in the company of our family and friends, it’s all about the giving spirit. But watching this video about Jacqui Saldana on the Ellen show (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nH3pnH70vTs) made me realize the holidays can be the happiest or the saddest times of the year. Jacqui writes on her blog, www.babyboybakery.com, initially to share the stories of life with her newborn son Ryan, but continued to write about the heartwrenching pain and struggle of continuing to live after Ryan’s passing at the tender age of 3 years old. I can’t possible imagine how much pain she must be in and the strength of her family to push through and be able to laugh and share in the company of the rest of the Ellen show.

As college students and even adults, we often take for granted the good fortune we have with our health, family, and the opportunity to study at such an amazing school. We are all so blessed to be able to live each day knowing our parents are supporting our dreams to have a bright future after college, and the friends we surround ourselves with, lift us up and make each day a pleasure. And I hope we all recognize this love and comfort during the holidays, that there are people who may be feeling the emptiness of their lost ones even more and we should continue to envelop them in our love and being grateful for all that we have. With that in mind, I wish everyone the best of holidays~

 

“Be kind to one another” -Ellen DeGeneres

Parting Glances

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There’s nothing unusual about this.

Forks clink against ceramic plates. We’re upstairs, taking up only half of the circular table we’re sitting at. I look to see what everyone’s got. A’s eating a burrito, as am I. B’s eating chicken strips and onion rings, and C has a sandwich. For a moment, we lose ourselves in our food; then we lose ourselves in conversation.

We run through our list of conversation topics, turning toward games and television and keeping away from school. We start to imagine the different paths our lives could have taken.

“Guys, imagine if we didn’t end up living together. Where would we be?”

We all shrug.

“Life would be so much better if we didn’t live together.”

“What if we didn’t become friends?”

“Again, life would be so much better.” We laugh. We banter.

“What if we all chose to go to our second-pick school?”

There is a silence, filled only by the sound of forks on plates. Why did we choose Puget Sound? It’s a question we’ve all asked ourselves before.

“About that.”

We stop eating. There’s also a look in his eyes—an apology.

“I’ve decided to transfer out. There’s nothing unusual about this.”

He’s right.

But then something unusual happens.

The room becomes quieter. An emptiness is present that was not here before. There is a sense of loss, of an amputation. We are three missing one. We are one less than whole.

He’s leaving. It’s not unusual. But despite how happy we are for him—that he’ll get to go back home—there’s no helping the sense of emptiness that has suddenly befallen us.

 

This week, I have been stranded with my friends at a Sonics in a car with a shot battery at midnight; I have hurt my back trying to learn how to juggle; I have hurt my brain trying to juggle finishing essays with studying for finals. And now it’s done.

Tomorrow morning, I’ll wake up and take a shuttle to the airport. B will do the same in the afternoon. We’ll lock our doors and walk out the suite, wonder if A is home yet.

Frost forms on my window.

C locks the door and boards a plane.

Here comes the hard part.

Finals Drag On

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During the time of finals there is no feeling of Christmas in the air at all. All the students are going through their piles of notes, stack of note cards, reviewing powerpoints and, or editing and re-editing their papers. There’s so much grasping our immediate attention we don’t have time to think about Christmas, family, our holiday shopping or the generally merry cheer. And that makes me sad to think about, that our exams have taken over so much, ask so much of us that we are anxious students this past reading period and finals week. There’s an imperceptible feeling of dampened all-night studying and general anxiety cloaked over campus as we pass the mid-week of Finals. Some of my friends didn’t start their finals until today! While some of my friends are already completely down and ready to get into the holiday spirit now.

I don’t recall my high school finals to be this studious or heavy feeling at all but I guess that’s the thing about college. In high school our grades only mattered to get into college if that and now, these grades determine our future- if we go to grad school, if we pass this class into the next upper level class or internship and job opportunities after college. The real world is out there and we can feel it watching us this finals week. And that’s the truth of it, some of my senior friends are graduating at the end of this week, and that’s crazy to think as well. Finals is the end of another semester, another chapter to our life, one more step closer to graduation and the real world. While i’m having all these mildly deep thoughts I’m going to get back to studying. But my one motivator to get through one more day? The fact I get to go home on Friday, that I will soon be back to the humid, warm, sunny blue skies of beautiful Hawaii and in the warm  embrace of my family of friends!

A hui ho until the end of finals!

Point Defiance & Tulle

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As a local I must say that every Puget Sound student should try to explore Tacoma. And especially explore the gem that is Point Defiance. There is a zoo and aquarium, multiple picnic locations, gardens (so many), duck pond, a playground, a beach, the marina, a forest, a fort. There’s a lot going in that foliage heaven. So, deciding to take advantage of the free time that reading period gives and the nice weather, a friend and I decided to take the bus down there and have fun with the 50 yards of tulle that I bought but never used. I honestly don’t remember what compelled me to buy so much tulle.

Afterwards we had lunch at Don’s Market. Everyone should visit Don’s Market because it is adorable. And the options for milkshakes flavors are endless and you will be paralyzed with indecisiveness.

Saturday Traditions

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My friends and I have a great tradition of going out for breakfast every other Saturday morning. Luckily for us Puget Sound is located near some of the best diners in Tacoma (Old Milwaukee Cafe and the Shakabrah on 6th Avenue).

This last Saturday we decided to try the Engine House 9. It was a firehouse back in the day and the owners decided to retain some of that history with firemen hats and the old architecture of the building. It may have either become a cheese place or a brewery before becoming its’ present day pub/restaurant.

The fries that are just automatically included with every meal are delicious and they have quite unique egg dishes. Like a California Benedict? Is that an actual thing? You also get the world’s most beautiful hot chocolate which tragically you will not finish because you are stuffed to the point of puking.