Who Are You Again?

In which you and Daniel become acquainted, if it has not happened already.

Fun fact about me: Not only am I snappy dresser, but I also have a talent for color coordinating with my friends.

Fun fact about me: Not only am I snappy dresser, but I also have a talent for color coordinating with my friends.

To my dear reader,

If there is anything that I love, and love to collect, it’s get-to-know-you questions. Given my complete lack of shame, I frequently fire them en masse at someone that I have just met, hoping that at least one of the questions will spark real interest in them. Usually, I fail, but at least I get some entertaining anecdotes out of the person. Every once in a while, however, I succeed and the questions come in terribly handy.

A complaint I’ve begun to receive recently – especially from my fraternity brothers of Beta Theta Pi – is that I spend so much time asking others about themselves, they don’t get to know me. I beg to differ – I spend more than enough time talking about myself. I blog, after all. The university is paying me to talk about myself. While this is all I’ve ever wanted, I began to see their point and considered the fact that I don’t necessarily have answers to all these questions myself. I shall take this chilly afternoon on the last day of December to answer seven of my favorite questions – if not for your edification, than for my own.

1) Are you the favorite person of anyone?

I believe (and very much hope) that I am the favorite person of my best friend, and I am possibly the favorite person of the younger of my two older sisters.

2) You have a big event to get excited for. What song do you listen to?

Katy Perry’s “Birthday”, as its retro guitar riffs, suggestive lyrics and celebratory nature put me in such a good mood.

3) If you had an autobiography of your life up to this very moment, what would its title be and what would the cover look like?

It would be entitled “Mixed Bag”, and there is a specific reason for this. At the end of my sophomore year, I had a meeting with my advisor – who was also the teacher of a class that I had great difficulty in – over my junior year schedule. The exchange went as following:

HIM: Daniel, did you have a good year?

ME: Well, what do you mean?

HIM: I mean, in a nutshell, how was your year? Was it good or was it bad?

ME: Well, I suppose that it was… kind of a… mixed bag.

HIM: Well, no offense, but YOU’RE kind of a mixed bag!

Well played, advisor. After such a conversation, all I can see as the cover of my autobiography is a picture of me sitting in at an arbitrary table, an expression of amused exasperation on my face. I hold a brown paper bag with the words “MIXED BAG: The Daniel Wolfert Story” written on it with Sharpie.

4) Of all the compliments you’ve ever received, which would you consider your favorite and why?

This is a three way tie between the following compliments:

“I like your voice. You’re like Santa Claus mixed with those radio people.”

“Daniel is happy… but also angry. Angry happy.”

“I once described you as being the manifestation of the word ‘jolly’, because you’re like a jolly gay Santa Claus trapped in the body of Napoleon.”

5) If you were to become world famous for one thing, what would it be?

I would want to not only have written an epic, perspective-changing, intellectually stimulating fantasy series that was “Harry Potter” for a new generation, but ALSO record myself as the narrator of its audiobook, which is how the book would REALLY take off.

6) If you were a tea, which kind would you be and why?

I would be Hairy Crab Oolong, because I am rarely anyone’s first choice and I also frequently remind people of the woods and children’s fiction. Similar to Hairy Crab Oolong, I am not quite reminiscent of anything else and, like the flavor of oolong, I am difficult to match well with anything else. Oolong and I both are a little whimsical and a little strong and a little odd. And a little hairy.

7) What is your six word memoir?

“Silly disappointments strung together by hope.”

So now, dear reader, both you and I know these answers. Who knows – maybe they shall come in handy for future reference! Probably not, but just in case, you know them now and I have my answers ready should someone else ask such questions. Even if they don’t however, at least I had a chance to answer them for myself here. I don’t get paid to answer them in real life.

With all due respect,

Daniel Wolfert