In which the foolish actions of a pompous snollygoster incur Daniel’s insatiable wrath.

To Republican and current North Carolina governor Pat McCrory,

When my family moved from the highly liberal city of Palo Alto, CA, to the less liberal city of Raleigh, NC, I was immensely pleased to find that North Carolina felt more like to home to me than Palo Alto did in many ways. I loved the long stretches of road, the small flurries of snow in January and the spacious spread-out of the city.

I have found, however, that I seemed to have reached an emotion impasse with the fine state of North Carolina. This impasse is because of House Bill 2 – your recent so-called “Public Facilities Privacy & Security Act,” which forbids transgender people from using the bathrooms of the gender with which they identify because they are “perverts,” alongside reversing the right to pass nondiscrimination legislation to the state government, and some cute little wage cuts you snuck in there. This impasse is because I am, most certainly, most indubitably, most egregiously, homosexual. I do, in fact, like dick.

Moreover, although I am not transgender, the bill is absolute bullshit and is completely unacceptable. Perhaps this might help: compare biological sex to ethnicity and gender identity to culture. I am born of an Eastern European father and a Filipino mother. That being said, culturally, I am absolutely American, and I do not readily identify with the cultures of my ancestors. What you are born as doesn’t shape who you are – the expectations of others and yourself do.

More pragmatically, why do you care so much about the genitalia of people in the bathroom near you? If you’re taking a good look, you’re the pervert.

I am standing beside Laverne Cox, Graig Meyer, Bruce Springsteen, and the entire LGBTQ community and its allies. I am standing beside the part of the U.S. constitution that separates church and state, therefore literally invalidating every single law that oppresses people because some Christian is getting in a tizzy. You can take the church and go fuck yourself with it. And if I return to Raleigh in five weeks, and find this bill still in place, you will incur my wrath in earnest.

This is an open letter because I want the world to see this, and I want the world to see you seeing this. So go on and respond. Call my bluff. I dare you.

With all due respect,

Daniel Wolfert