I Know What I’m Doing

In which Daniel provides his five best tips for being a successful college student, musician, writer and human being.


To my dear reader,

How do you balance it all, Daniel? How do you manage to write and compose so much all the time? How do you maintain your flawless physical appearance and/or air of effortless ease and approachability?

In the rare few times I’ve ever received these questions, they have been accompanied by an accusatory look and passive-aggressive tone clearly meant to imply, “You’re just screwing it all up, aren’t you.” Well, the short answer to that one is “yes,” BUT the long answer is that’s been a difficult and perilous road towards becoming the responsible, stunningly attractive, well-adjusted quasi-adult that I am today. It’s been fraught with trials, from my passionately lackluster romance with weight training to taking my pants off publicly more times than I care to admit.

But how did I transform from this stunning, bow-tied child prodigy…


…to this dazzling specimen of maturity…


…while looking like this on a daily basis?


Well, dear reader, here are my top five tips for success that have led me on such a progression across my twenty one years of life:

  1. PERSERVERE: In my first semester of college, I decided to begin watching the TV show Lost, and became immediately hooked. I decided to forsake most social activity in order to make it through all six seasons in four months, and in the face of adversity/anxiety-inducing socializing, I trudged on through the show and made it out victorious/still socially inept in the end.
  2. BE ADVENTUROUS: I once read that green tea can be used as a natural deodorant, so I decided to throw caution to the wind and put tea bags in all my dresser drawers to test this theory out. True, it made all of my wardrobe smell like seaweed for about a month, so… yeah. It’s so clear to me that these things are related.
  3. ALWAYS BE LEARNING: One time, I was preparing to dress for a vocal studio performance by ironing a vest of mine that, unbeknownst to me, had small metal components on a certain section. After about 20 seconds of ironing, the vest promptly burst into flames, which in turn caught onto the papers in the nearby vicinity, and I was forced to sprawl myself on top of the table to simultaneously put out the vest and the other burning debris. That day, I learned that ironing is not my strong suit.
  4. TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF: At the end of my very stressful sophomore year, I received word that I had been turned down for a job to which I’d applied. Trying not feel discouraged, I went to the bathroom to poop. Upon sitting down on the toilet, I proceeded to defecate, urinate and burst into tears simultaneously. It was the most physically liberating experience of my life. Don’t worry; it all ended up in the toilet bowl.
  5. DON’T GIVE A FUCK: Goodness, do you believe that anyone is ACTUALLY paying attention to your life? The likelihood of this is much lower than you think. Go do your life; if people don’t like it, maybe they should go write their own blogs about it.

With all due respect,

Daniel Wolfert