Checking Out

It keeps hitting me suddenly. Every few minutes, I look at my bare wall and think: “oh my god. I’m really leaving.” 


An image of the lights I still haven’t taken down and my bare wall, where a poster once was.

Because I’m studying abroad next semester, I have to pack up the entirety of my room one semester early. There are still things to be done, of course — for one, I still have to email my RA and tell him when I’m checking out. For another, I’m packing very, very, exceedingly slowly. I move out completely in less than a week, and I have only taken down those posters.

Honestly? I feel kinda empty and sad when I look at the blank space on my wall. I am truly excited for the opportunity to study abroad, and I honestly can’t wait to go. But at the same time, it means that I’m not going to be here. I love it here — I love my friends, and my classes, and even the constant rain. I’m worried — no, I know — that things aren’t going to be the same when I come back. And while I know that everything is going to turn out okay in the end and while I know that I’m going to love it in Prague and that everything is going to be fine without me here, that blank wall punches me in the heart with all of the other things I know to be true in one startling, terrifyingly cold burst. I’m not going to be here next semester. I am going to miss my classes. I am going to miss this small campus, And, most importantly, I am going to miss the people here so much.

But, I will be okay, better than okay, actually, because I am going to have all of these new experiences. And, when I am finished with the Spring 2016 semester, I will return here, to all that I will have missed.