Do not be fooled by this book’s description! It may say the “Holy Bible” on the cover, but the truth of its ulterior motives is hidden in the spine—it is a “parallel bible.”
If you’ve never heard of parallel bibles, it’s probably because the government has been doing a fantastic job of keeping them a secret from the general public. Fear not! We have acquired one of these tomes for your languid perusal. Should you choose to browse through this very large, very heavy specimen, you will find that pages from the well-known bible of our own dimension is situated on the right hand page, while on the opposite (left) page there lies something else entirely—a bible with ideas totally apart from our own, ideas and morals from another dimension, that is very aware of us, and is very clearly observing us. While the language still appears to be English, there are subtle differences between the two that lead scholars to believe that one is derived from the other–however the connection still remains unclear to this day. It is likely that the language we wish to claim as our own is actually a derivative of this parallel dimension’s primary method of communication.
This book of comparisons and detailing of parallels is highly detailed, with an intricate binding and clasps on the outside to warn passersby away from its radical ideas, and thousands of gold-gilt pages filled with careful studies and comparisons in the margins. Even the art in the preface of the book–surprisingly similar to our own dimension’s medieval art–is carefully annotated. It is unclear whether the purpose of this parallel bible is to copy us as a species or to compare their pre-existing culture to our own.
We probably acquired this book in a shady deal over a game of chess with a government scholar, who probably acquired it from a questionable area of influence.
You can read some decrypted government files on the subject of parallel bibles and their possible contents here or here, or you could stop in to the Archives & Special Collections and see what sort of extradimensional secrets you can glean from its pages for yourself.
“the best kind of comedy is flagrant lies and nonsense, delivered deadpan and seriously.” (rosaluxmemeburg)