{"id":484,"date":"2014-07-24T16:02:57","date_gmt":"2014-07-24T16:02:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.pugetsound.edu\/reslife\/?p=484"},"modified":"2014-07-24T16:27:44","modified_gmt":"2014-07-24T16:27:44","slug":"the-art-of-cohabitation-preparing-for-a-roommate","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.pugetsound.edu\/reslife\/2014\/07\/24\/the-art-of-cohabitation-preparing-for-a-roommate\/","title":{"rendered":"The Art of Cohabitation: Preparing for a Roommate"},"content":{"rendered":"

By\u00a0Jenni Chadick<\/a>, assistant director of residence life<\/em><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s face it, living with other people is HARD. Doesn\u2019t matter if you love who you live with, sometimes those dirty crumpled up socks all over the floor just seem to scream at you \u201cI totally don\u2019t respect your space or you!\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Sookie<\/a>

Sookie left her socks out, again.<\/p><\/div>\n

Of course, maybe they just forgot to put the socks in the hamper, but still\u2026 don\u2019t they KNOW how much that bothers you?! And this person you live with maybe someone you love. Maybe it\u2019s someone you choose to live with. Maybe it\u2019s a sibling or parent in which you had no choice, but share many things in common. Maybe they know all your pet peeves, or if you are a morning person or not. Moving in with a total stranger, that\u2019s a whole different level of hard.<\/p>\n

If you are moving into campus residences this fall, congratulations! We are excited to meet you and welcome you to campus!\u00a0 Housing assignment letters were mailed this week, and as you receive the contact information of your future roommate, you may experience a wave of emotions.\u00a0 Moving into a 250 square foot living space with a total stranger may sound exciting. It may sound terrifying. And it will probably be both at some point! Sharing tight living quarters with anyone is an art, there is no magic science to becoming the perfect pair. It takes work, and lot of courage, to be honest with yourself about what you need versus what you want. Here are a few tips we\u2019ve learned over the years to helping smooth the process.<\/p>\n

There’s No Such Thing as a Perfect Roommate<\/b><\/p>\n

\n
\"Yeah,<\/a><\/dt>\n
Yeah, you might think you are awesome but not everyone will always appreciate your awesomeness.<\/dd>\n<\/dl>\n

There are many people you can be compatible with for different reasons. A roommate who maybe shares your interests and sleeping habits may have completely different standards on cleanliness and sharing personal items. Someone you meet who might become your best friend maybe the worst person for you to live with (talk to any upper class student and they can tell you from experience). It might seem like people on your floor or in your hall are \u201cclicking\u201d with their roommate before you do, and maybe they are maybe they aren\u2019t, but the first few weeks are a \u201choneymoon\u201d period where many students ignore the niggling signs of discomfort in their budding roommate relationship. It helps to know that everyone needs to adjust to their new environment, and we all do that in different ways. You might find that you\u2019d rather connect with classmates other than your roommate, and that\u2019s okay. Your roommate might feel the exact opposite, and that\u2019s okay too. What\u2019s important is that you talk about your feelings from the get go.<\/p>\n

Talk it Out!<\/b><\/p>\n

Really talk. Face to face. IRL.\u00a0 Not texting, email, facebook, or snapchat. There are certain non-verbal cues you pick up on face to face, and especially as you are getting to know each other as roommates, these face-to-face conversations are essential to getting to know your roommate. Now, it may not be realistic to expect that you will each know exactly what you want out of your roommate relationship from day one and come ready with exact parameters of what you will share, who will clean what, etc. (That\u2019s great if you do!) Those opinions might take time to form as you get to know each other and yourself and realize what you are and are not comfortable with. The best way to prep for those hard conversations is have some easier ones first. Practice with some basics like how you want the room set up. Maybe set up time to go to dinner together just once to learn where each other came from. Discuss your orientation schedule, and if you want to meet up at some point during the week. What\u2019s most important here is not to make assumptions. You and your roommate may have different ideas of what is \u201cexpected\u201d and unless you talk it out you\u2019ll never know really what the other person is thinking or feeling, and why the feel that way.<\/p>\n

\n
\"Alternatively,<\/a><\/dt>\n
Alternatively, hugging it out is always an option<\/dd>\n<\/dl>\n

Establish Needs, Not Positions<\/b><\/p>\n

Speaking of feelings, there will come a point of frustration in the year. The window is open and it\u2019s freezing in the room. The music is too loud. You don\u2019t feel comfortable bringing friends to your room. When these things happen, the first thing to do is recognize your feelings. What is it that you feel? Frustration? Anger? Sadness? And from these feelings what is that telling you that you need<\/strong> to be safe and reasonably comfortable<\/strong> in your living situation? Needs are broad, and can be applied in many contexts. An important distinction from a position which is narrow and usually apply to the specific matter at hand. For example \u2013 you might need the room to be a comfortable temperature to sleep. Your position might be that the window must be shut to get to that temperature. Positions appear immovable, and are often proposed as the only solution to a problem. Positions breed hostility and usually do not get either party what they really need. When you establish your needs \u2013 in this case a comfortable temperature \u2013 you can explore other options such as when the window should be open or shut and how much, using a personal fan, adding\/removing more bed covers, etc. When you discuss needs not positions you are more likely to get to compromise.<\/p>\n

Vent Up, Not Out<\/b><\/p>\n

\n
\"Leave<\/a><\/dt>\n
Leave the drama for your mama<\/dd>\n<\/dl>\n

Sure, sometimes you will want to vent about your experience and process your feelings. But venting to the whole floor, or everyone but<\/em> your roommate, helps NO ONE. Know who you can confidentially vent to. Maybe it’s someone back home. A parent, a classmate, a partner. Maybe it’s your RA or RCC. Maybe it’s one person you have really connected with on campus. What’s important here is not to be careful what you share and who you share it with. Be clear when you are “just venting” to get something off your chest, and when you are actively seeking advice on how to handle a situation. Roommate drama can quickly become floor drama which can sometimes circle back to your roommate and make things worse for everyone involved. Follow Tim Gunn’s advice, and just don’t do that.<\/p>\n

Moving Doesn’t Always Fix the Problem<\/b><\/h1>\n

Lastly, many students jump immediately to a move. It\u2019s easy to see that as a solution, especially the beginning of the year. But the reality is moving often results in a new, different, issue emerging with a new roommate. You may not know the back story behind why a room was vacated (i.e. what roommate issue was going on to have that person move out). You may realize that while a new roommate is much easier to get along with they are far more messy and loud (or quiet and too clean). And sometimes, you realize that you actually have some personal things to work through that carry over from your first situation. Moving is hard. It\u2019s no fun packing up all your belongings and adjusting to a new environment. People\u2019s habits may have formed on a floor that you may or may not jive with. And there often aren\u2019t many alternative spaces to move to. Moving can be an option in those rare cases where it is in the best interest of everyone involved, and the first step is to talk to your RA\/RCC about the challenges you are having. So if you ever do think that is a route you are thinking about, talk to your RA\/RCC as soon as you can. The process can take a couple weeks, so it\u2019s important not to wait to the moment you just can\u2019t take it anymore.<\/p>\n

Living with another person is a challenge, but it\u2019s one that you\u2019ll probably be navigating for many years to come (college and beyond!). It can also be a very fun and rewarding part of your college experience if you take the time to think about what you think you\u2019ll need to live, study, and succeed at Puget Sound.<\/p>\n

\n
\"You<\/a><\/dt>\n
Don’t worry, you got this! Living with a roommate has it’s challenges, but can also be one of the best experiences you’ll have at Puget Sound.<\/dd>\n<\/dl>\n

Looking for more suggestions? Check out our \u201c2014 Roommate Booklet<\/a>\u201d for more tips and suggestions to set up for a successful roommate experience.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By\u00a0Jenni Chadick, assistant director of residence life Let\u2019s face it, living with other people is HARD. Doesn\u2019t matter if you love who you live with, sometimes those dirty crumpled up socks all over the floor just seem to scream at … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":254,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-484","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.pugetsound.edu\/reslife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/484","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.pugetsound.edu\/reslife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.pugetsound.edu\/reslife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.pugetsound.edu\/reslife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/254"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.pugetsound.edu\/reslife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=484"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.pugetsound.edu\/reslife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/484\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":504,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.pugetsound.edu\/reslife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/484\/revisions\/504"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.pugetsound.edu\/reslife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=484"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.pugetsound.edu\/reslife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=484"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.pugetsound.edu\/reslife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=484"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}